I was, this happy little creature,
With a constant pleasant mood.
Always brimming with faith
Faith in people and faith in me
I lived in an oblivious trance
Worrying about nothing
Wrapped in activity and trivial problems
They now all seem like miniature trials.
The pain I thought I felt
Was pleasure in disguise indeed?
It kept me occupied
It kept me thinking
It kept me grounded
It kept me sane
Those problems were not troubles
They were salvation
They were my rescue
They were my life,
Those problems had solutions
and I worked them out.
And I enjoyed it all,
Now Things have changed.
There are new problems.
There is a new person in me.
When did it all change?
When did this start?
Problems Bigger than life And Bigger than me?
When did I enter this course?
Alone and lost I feel
I did not hear any warning bell
Or did I not hear the warning bell?
What is it that I missed?
I love the idea of someone
Watching over me and guiding me
From the dark corners, and protecting me.
But Alas I fail to believe myself
I fail to make myself believe.
This is the edge of childhood and Adulthood.
What has changed?
Same people around me, same old world.
Am I scared to compete for survival?
I am scared of a lonely death.
I doubt everything, I doubt everyone.
I doubt if anything will last,
It will all pass.
How do I leave this vicious loop?
How do I believe in present again?
And live in present again?
This puzzle I pose, has become a part of my essence
Where are my answers?
Where is the solution?
I want to spend this life
And find the answers before I die